not the end

Everything will be okay in the end, if your not okay, its not the end.

I am truly not okay at this moment, these days... :(
Well, i know this is not the end.
"This is the part of parcel in pursuing study...!"
Oh well, yea, i understand, i knew!

I just need more time,
perhaps, i need to train myself so that i could do things faster?
well, i knew i got the potential to do a good job,
just for the time being,
i failed to do so.
 
However, no matter what,
nothing gonna stop me from doing the things that i wanted to do, except the time.

Time is cruel.
Time is fast.
Time is unstoppable.
Time is un-returnable.

Am not okay cause its not my end.
I endure, i bear, i stand it!
Be Strong!
I will!


 

Confident Not

A guy in 175 , walk head up , chest out.

Extraordinary and grabs attention. 

What a guy in confidence.

Oh well, that's me. 

Confident not? 

When i talking to foreigners and strangers,
 the confidence in speaking English,
undeniably fluent with lil bit of the western slang.  

Not a problem. 

With right clothes on and nice hair combed,
 i walk on street, i grab people's eye sight. 

Not an issue. 

Upon praised,
i gain confident from nowhere,
i walk like i were flying, and i speak like i were drunk. 

Enthused. 

Everything seems to be all right with my lil confidence.

Well,    * my favorite quot.*


There is always an exception 

Presentation seems to be a harsh truth to me. Its all about "showing-off" of yourself in public and i found that a absolute nuisance for me. My nerves all underneath my skins started to be so active like no one! Yet my heart pumps fast like dirty bits. 

My thought and speech jumbled. 

I was like a dumb who doesnt know english. screw myself.

It was not only happen during presentation, but also performance. I remembered when i was representing my music school to a statewide-competition, i was on the violin and recorder parts in the group. I can barely move my fingers like normal, and the music piece i play is in fast tempo. I did out of tempo, in acceptable manner.  But thanks God, i played it to the end with no clear mistake, but i did not do my best. i regret. i failed to manage my nerves. 

Another failure i experienced was the first casting i went to. That was a great opportunity i met to have such a chance to cast for an advertisement. I was informed like one week before the actual casting date. I m well prepared for that, i try not to be nervous, not to be shy and trying to be confident in all way. Well, when i stood in front of the camera, i smile in the best way, eye sight was sharp, too. But just a moment after the casting started, i found embarrassing to hold the same face expression, smiling into a convex electronic gadget. I was asked to repeat the same instruction for twice, and i knew my performance was suck to the core. BAD. Well, good thing is i learn how important confidence is. 

However, when it comes to singing part, my nerves do help me in achieve higher pitch range. amazing. So i now make use of my nerves in singing, and i m controlling them well, only in singing. duh~ :C

Yesterday, when i was presenting my design ideas to my lecturer, i found that i was still the same, being spoken in broken english, not even in a proper sentence. 

I knew what i am designing, absolutely, they came out from my mind! 

Nerves was the main problem, they lose control, once again!! 

My thought jumbled up, and not even a single term i could use to express my design and to defense the critiques even though i did present it in portentous and solemn manner, i did! 

But people would only think of me as a guy who poor in english, or  not a serious guy  or not well prepared for presentation. I am NOT!! 

Where is my confidence? 

If i were required to write about my ideas of design, i am sure i can do it well, just not in PRESENTING it. 

Theres confidence where theres no presentation.

My lecture was right, he told me that am a perfectionist. I spend much longer time than others do to complete a task yet lack of confidence in presenting ideas. 

Yes, i m afraid of being failed, i cant stand failure. 

My poor lil heart is made of glass, fragile, broken into tiny pieces upon being attacked.

I wish, i could be like a lil bit of being boastful rather than being shy to present.

confident not?

imma trying my best to show,

my confidence,

will be unbeatable, 

i yearn. 

enthustory

yesterday night, i was doing nothing on my bed before i sleep. Things came across my mind with an Ipad on hand, and i just simply clicked into Blogger and i read a blog. The post is about his achievement in his life.

I read through the post and i think its awesome! The things that he have achieved at the age of 23,i could never par with him. Amazing! Written in bombastic English, and every single phrases he written are well expressed. Such a strong enthusiasm and determined guy who born in a wealthy family, but never been spoiled by his wealthy background, yet it becomes his power which drives him to success.

what a great story!
Well, i believe in Newton's law, where it states that :
energy cannot be destroyed and diminished. Energy can be transformed and transfered. 

Now, the energy that i see from him, its transferred  onto me. Undoubtedly, he became the role model for me. I wish to be like him : handsome face on a nice body with a super brain.  Everyone yearns! and so do I!

Well, he inspired me to start thinking of what have i did achieved at the age of 20 :
 = started learning English in kindergarten  
 = advanced English in primary school and i have a strong foundation in English
 = started to study dictionary at the age of 17
 = not very well performed in academic performance, but once awhile i frighten       people with awesome works
 = being regarded as very smart people, cause i m too lazy. In fact, if i were
    hardworking, i m genius. ><
 = started to play music instruments in primary school, but interest in musical
    instrument is not being developed yet.
 = Started to learn piano at 16, and achieve grade 5 in 1.5 years, then i stopped
    at the age of 17 due to having a very strong determination in academic
    performance.
 = been selected to statewide competitions, not won, but i gained the experience
   and make my family proud.
 = self-learnt guitar, violin through books and online tutorial.
 = can play several musical instruments : piano, violin, guitar, drum, harmonica       and many else.
 = once a choir member, i can sing well >,<
 = study musics, i can conduct a choir and write musics as well
 = love design, and being agreed by many people at town, since i always do  
    design, regardless fashion, furniture, interior, building and etc in my shop.
 = i m too picky, who has very high requirement, always ask for the best one.
    this make me a good consultant and advisor.
 = been regarded as doctor of mind, good in giving advises :) welcome to talk to
    me if you got problem
 = have a extraordinary face with a western-like nose, the only problem is skin.
    duh~ :(
 = i dont have a driving license! and so what? ;p i m proud!
 = i started to earn money with my bare hand at the age of 17
 = i earned 3k+ by myself till now by working as part timer :)
 = i got very high potential in many aspects ;p
 = good command in english, people used to ask me : where are you from?
    I speak american-british-slang english :)

owh, too much , too much to tell. i aint satisfied with what have i achieved, imma looking forward to achieve more goals in my life, when i m still alive. ><

I was inspired, and i got clear and strong determination and enthusiasm.
Persistence, thats what i need in order to achieve what i want.
good luck and all the best, to you and me :)